Kohl’s explodes upward, tariffs implode in court, and crypto takes a turn for the medieval as a self-styled “Bitcoin king” decides kidnapping is a viable portfolio strategy. We break down the chaos in U.S.–China trade talks, including China’s demand for AI chips and America’s new favorite acronym: TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out).

Jamie Dimon goes full gloom-and-doom in a live interview, warning of bond market carnage just weeks after saying everything looked fine, which either means he’s hedging or auditioning for Treasury Secretary. Meanwhile, we explore the math behind steel tariffs (spoiler: you lose 75 jobs for every one saved), why the most American-made car still isn’t really American, and how free trade continues to confuse people with microphones.

Tariffs are back, baby — this time with a 50% side of Europe and a 25% sprinkle on your smartphone. We break down what that means for your iPhone payments (spoiler: don’t). We also talk about Nippon Steel’s love letter to U.S. Steel, Tesla getting lapped by BYD, and why Deckers somehow still sells Uggs. Drew nerds out over Japanese bond yields and explains how hedge funds pick up nickels in front of steamrollers. Quinn reads a Garfield calendar, and we resurrect John D. Rockefeller to talk dimes, dirty ledgers, and daddy issues. Plus: the White House speeds up nuclear permitting, and we ask the real question—should you bank with Big Apple Bank for the next thousand years like Fry from Futurama?