Kohl’s keeps cashing checks while analysts call it a meme, Nvidia finds out it’s not the only chip in town, and the jobs market cools just enough to make everyone equally nervous. This issue sees earnings beats, $10B mystery orders, and tariffs that hit everyone—unless you’re big enough to dodge them.

- Managing Partners Drew Millegan & Quinn Millegan

Tesla’s still pretending it’s a tech company, Stellantis is still pretending it’s a cool name, and Elon’s reality show got picked up by the White House. We break down whether SpaceX could survive a government “upgrade,” how tariffs are the financial version of playing chicken with yourself, and why Stellantis might just be the least-loved bargain in autos (with Maserati-sized baggage).

Also on deck: the S&P crosses the big 6-handle, oil prices yawn their way higher, and Circle’s IPO drops — because what the stablecoin market needed was more hype. Plus, a surprisingly intelligent discussion on IPO timing, salespeople, and the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ slow-motion hiring freeze.